I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
