Three words: puerto rican gang bang
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
