I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
