a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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