just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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