just survived the first fart of the relationship.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
