She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
