is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
