I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
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