people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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