Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
