You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
