you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
