Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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