Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
