can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize