he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
