this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
