Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
