I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
