I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
