trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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