She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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