WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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