Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize