I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize