Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Panties = found
Randomize
