i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Found the puke drawer
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
