My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
