i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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