thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
