If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
