dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
