Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
