Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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