how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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