my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
