I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
