How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
