god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You can't just leave with hair like that
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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