Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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