Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
