I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
