im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
