I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
