OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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