I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
