We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
