I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
