you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
