you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
