Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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