Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
