sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
