Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
