Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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