I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
