Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
