You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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