last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
