is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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